Today I shall reveal why my Insta Name is SkyisBlueish:) There were actually many reasons why. One of them being that SkyisBlue was taken 😒
Another reason why is because the sky isn’t always blue, is it? We get pinks and oranges and purples in the evenings and navy, almost black at night. Once in a while the weather’s so cloudy that it looks like a blanket of white cottonballs.
Whenever I look up at the Sky, I feel so small. I’ve never had much confidence. My JC classmates would know, just how emotionally fragile I was. The truth is, I have issues with being vulnerable. I find it very difficult to forgive myself for weakness. But I was very obviously weak very much of the time in JC and they taught me to trust and lean back on people.
My JC friends know how grateful I am for them. They were there with me through every pessimistic thought. They also complained about my stubborness all the time, and wondered why I held on to it despite changing a few other bad habits. After all, it’s what fuels my pessimism.
But my stubborness is my only source of confidence. Yes, it’s made me miss out on things, but it got me to places too. Places where I created memories that pulled me through. Stubborness put me in SR. Stubborness put me in NTU. Stubborness gave me courage. It’s also my only line of defence. A very strong one, and I’m not about to let that go anytime soon.
Whenever I go back to SR now, I always make my friends lie down in the field with me to look up at the stars. Even though I know they are all man-made satellites. I think of all the days I stayed back till 9pm mugging in J1, all the meals I skipped, all the gastric pains and irregular periods and crying for days straight. Moments where the sky didn’t look blue. Didn’t feel blue.
I was so insistent- I thought I could see the clearest when I had my head in the clouds. But it all seems silly now. I literally had to let go of the balloons before they parted the clouds for me and showed me beyond. I don’t deal well with change, so SkyisBlueish is comforting to me. Everything else changes around you but some things never do. If we wait patiently, the sky will always be blue.
One of my juniors said today that his motto in life is to keep moving forward. That he is going to do just that regardless of what happens. I don’t know how he did yet, but I have faith in him, as I do in everyone that I care to ask after.